Relationships

Relationships

"Whatever remains unsaid , whatever remains unexplained , whatever remains un expressed, understanding that is what forms the core of a relationship" If the unsaid, unexplained and unexpressed is implicit and understood it forms a relatively stronger relationship however once these elements are not understood and the need for saying,  explaining and expressing increases, that's where the stress in a relationship increases

It is such a tacit understanding that leads to the ultimate destroyer of every relationship. ..expectation. ..What a beautiful dichotomy to be in. .Understanding what is never said, never expressed , never explained ...creates a need for no further explanation. .It leads to expectations. ..and once expectations start faltering , that's where the relationship starts turning sour. ..

So in a way it's like a Frankensteinish story of relationships with expectations. ....The more you understand each other the better the relationship bbecomes and hence the increase in expectations. ..

At the crux of human lives is nothing but this intermingling and entwined maze of cseemingly simple but extrememly delicate and complex relationships..Lives are made , lives are destroyed,  lives are left wandering if this tangled mess gets any messier. .

While it's great not to have expectations and keep it simple,  a famous saying sums it up, "It's so simple to be happy but so difficult to be simple"..

YOU & ME were US once, but then YOU came and we became YOU & ME

Navratras

The Festival of Navratras is being celebrated all over the country with great aplomb , splendour and vigour. .The markets are decorated with bright lights , sparkle , color..The entire country is celebrating the 9 holy days of the Mother Goddess and her different manifestations..The state of Gujarat, this 9 day event is at tines being marketed as the ultimate fun destination with many bollywood personalities dawning the stage for dandiya performances..The 9 days of Navratras are a fun, frolic and entertainment packed roller coaster with men and women adorning colorful clothes and dancing the nights away to glory

back home in North, the mode is more of penance, fasting and soul purification. .People embark on a self created Non flour or No Anaaj diet. .With loads of fried aloo,  sweets and an indigenous jugaad of Kuttuk flour. Kuttuk is a fruit whose powder is nearest to a grain and can be used for making Kuttuk puris and pakodaas..For the weight conscious, restaurants ts have created the diet navratras packages with fewer calories. .The interesting thing is that North Indian men lead this dietary and penance driven brigade with as much discipline. ..I have seen some of my colleagues and friends, staunch carnivores and tuples completely refraining from alcohol or Meat....In a personal level, good way to Detoxify ones body..Nothing wrong with people's belief systems and the way to celebrate the 9 holy days of the Mother Goddess. ...However do we celebrate womanhood or the power of feminine only on 9 days and Completely ignore and disrespect it for the entire year. .do ponder over these things which are prevalent all across our country

a)Highest no of Rape and molestation cases
b) Eve teasing cases are on the rise
c) We have lead the world in case of female infanticide
d) women are still cautioned against going out of homes, talking to people, what to wear
e) Women still continue to be reprimanded in cases of harassment and advised not to entice men through their behavior or clothing
f)Women are still killed by own kith and kin in name of honour killings
g) Cities like Delhi and Mumbai Compete with world commercial center like Paris and London in office rentals and infrastructure,  but still fail miserably I'm women security
h) Generally as a society , we still don't treat women with respect and associated taboos still live deeply entrenched

The list is endless.....Let's celebrate festivals, let's celebrate the mother goddess and her manifestations but let's be more respectable for women..else all dietary restrictions, abstinence won't help us secure brownie point

Word of Caution :::The writer of the blog, is still struggling to manage his behavior with spouse with limited improvements. However the famous Big Indian Male Ego, at times gets the better if him..Working to improve it. ..Cheers

I am Listening.....

"Its been a very hectic day today,I came back home by 5:30 pm, after a long meeting with a client, just had enough time to have a cup of tea, and have been working away on my laptop till 10 pm..sorry couldnt come to your room earlier, I knew you would be busy thinking about Deep,their son, so thats why didnt trouble you", Hope you are not angry, sweetie, said Mohan ... You know, i have to work extra hard now for Deeps future now...Had a small arguement with the boss also, Everybody in the office says, he doesnt get along with his wife, thas why he looks so peeved & fights with others - Not everybody can have an understanding wife like me --- You know neeta, you have many good qualities, but the best thing about you ---is your husband...& laughed at his own joke --- Neeta didnt look too amused

Mohan has been following this daily ritual of coming straight back from his work & heaidng staright to her & neetas room, where he would discuss the days tribulations, the small wins, the arguments at office, the politics with colleagues, the pressures of a demanding client..

Like all other days, Neeta was in rapt attention & listening very carefully not even battling an eyelid - They had known each other for almost 30 years now...First as neighours in the same colony - when as little kids they would catch glimpses of each other, play together in the colony compounds - visit each others house on festivals & occassions- go to birthday parties of many neighours together.. This frienship continued to grow as the years progresses, with both studying in the same school - Although not the best of friends in school, but they had a kind of a strange familiarty with each other - they were familiar enough not to be strangers, but yet not close enough to be friends - They would catch the school bus from the same bus stand, & would walk back most of the times together from the bus stop to their respective homes. They knew that the other would always be supportive on this little journey which they took together from Bus stop to school. Mohan would generally enter his home post their return from the bus stop, till he was sure Neeta would have entered her house - So it was a kind of a mutual care & understanding which they had - probably for old time sake . From school they moved to College & then on to their respective jobs - However continued to stay in the same colony... However it was during College that Neetas mother expired due to a prolonged illness, Thats the time when Mohans mother, Sushma played the supporting anchor to Neeta & her younger sister ... Neeta too needed a support & Sushma just provided that - That Sushma was particularly fond of Neeta, as a kid, was always evident, when she would take extra care of her out of the many children that would come to their house during the many birthday parties which kids from the colony attended - So while Neeta, recovered from the grief & shock opf her mothers death & coming to terms with the loss, her bond with Sushma & Mohans family grew --- and it was only natural that over the years, when both kids were ready for marriage, the respective parents didnt consider the other family, well aware of the bond that neeta shared with Mohans mother Sushma ..

So Sushma & Neeta were finally married .The two were more of friends &not your typical husband & wife relationship . Mohans work required him to be transferred to another city - Now suddenly the two of them, just had each other for Company, and each other to look after & talk to - This helped in strengthening their relationship further -they were more of friends & would discuss & speak to each other - Their alone time was a habit they cultivated over the years - and for the next 4 years this would become a routine which ther would never miss - Their daily discussion withe ach other - This habit stayed with them even after the birth of their 1st child & subsequent transfer back to their parents home town - Infact, once Neeta had asked Mohan - " You know mohan, Husbands & wives of today, want the world from each other - they want commitment, they want fidelty, they want love, sometimes unconditional,  financial security, Kids future, their own future security, care -- but theres one thing which you cant put a value on & which is very essential for the growth of the relationship which is the "their time for pondering" - the small things which we miss - I hope, even if for 10 minutes", we will always spend some "our time" together --- & this almost a daily ritual continued for so many years ....

There was a knock on the door, & Mohans thoughts were broken....It was Sushma knocking on the door, asking him to come out for dinner .....He bade goo bye to Neeta -- switched off the light from their room & came out

Mom. mohan said - "why have you not changed the flowers from Neeta's room", you know she never likes stale flowers --- Even the garland needs to be changed from her photo

Sure, I will change the garland & get fresh flowers tomorrow, said Sushma..She felt sad for her son, she knew that Mohan had still not gotten over Neetas death & loved her even more - She knew Mohan would talk to Neetas photograph everyday - But she was wondering, was Neeta listening ??

Short Story Writing

I have been thinking to write a Short story for a Long time now. Probably the last time, i wrote a short story was some 2 years ago. have been focussed on My food Blog for quite a long time now, and just completed 96 posts in my Food Blog - There have been a lot of if & buts, lot of thoughts, trepidations, at times even a Complete Change of Objectives of writing a Blog - My primary aim to write a Food Blog ,was to have a subject, where one could write constantly & without requiring too much of motivation & Food, Obvioulsy tops that list for me. Also If one is so passionate about some thing, it makes sense to explore that Passion & probably combine that passion with an Interest in writing

So that Primarily had been the sole reason for me to write a Food Blog -& trust me, writing a Post & getting even 5-6 Likes or 2-3 comments, can be quite thrilling for a Blogger . It also is quite satisfying, as it in a way helps you explore a multi faceted & multi pronged creative approach . Food Blogging - requires one to develop some sense of PhotoGraphy, & gradually you pick the art of Food Photography - Writing & the art of Food - are the Other 2 which a Food Blogger needs to combine

Coming back to Short Story writing, I am struggling to find a subject on whic to write . Will keep you posted, once i finalise a subject

Auto Rickshaws - Its a Tough Ride

We too have a story…I don’t know how many of you would be interested knowing about it as it is not a story of glamour, its not even a story of an inspiring rags to riches, but it is a story of survival…story of how a certain population is living, & majority of them are living in a state of despair, hopelessness. Un fortunately we are a common part of the social fabric yet we somehow remain to be neglected…..we are the unfortunate Auto rickshahwallas

Do you know that on many days Ina week, we have to spend close to 4 hours on the GAS Pump. Do you know out of the estimated 10 lakh auto rickshaws plying on the roads of delhi, 80% of them are illegally operating….Govt permissible capacity is only 50000 Rickshaws….the balance auto rickshaws are sold illegally ……… Do you know that Auto rickshaws are few things that get sold at 500% than the company listed price……still we hear that govt does not make any money & the crazy thing that even while buying we know we may not make any money…but still we buy, we buy in hope of something better & all this is on cash…. We don’t have the luxury of EMIs & Installments especially autos in black market….so where do we get the cash…..Local moneylenders, hence another trap of heavy interest rates, paying form the monthly income……again all in hope

Do you know that many a times, the commuters , even young students don’t pay up & un away at traffic red lights,do you know many a times , passengers who on  reaching a destination, escape away on the pretext of getting the change ? you know in certain cities we are not allowed to commute in certain areas In our own city , own country as if we are some untouchables or plagues in the society…..

Some of us who are deported at Places of Public transport have to cough up bribes to the police for us to stand,,,as if we are going to make some big kill……because of such pressures, may be most of us resort to some unethical practices…..may be we do cheat a little….But who doesn’t  ? 2 weeks back on my kids insistence, I took my 4 year old sun to a big hotel- McDonalds…..I was shocked to see One small burger for Rs 60---almost half of my days earnings for 1 Burger…..what is this ? this is not cheating……Or you call it Service ……what about Our service ? I have seen many Rich ladies with big bags, big sunglasses, coming out of restaurants – they don’t think before spending 1000/ on a Pizza , or 100 Rs on Chaat,  but they will bargain for 5 Rs with us……& hurl abuses at us

Seldom I have come across a Customer who can trust us…Most of  look at us with such suspicion that it really is shameful  for us…& THAT TOO when the scope for any malpractice is too small….how much can an auto rickshaw loot you, in a journey fare of Rs100/==…I am not saying that u all become philanthropist & squander your hard earned  money, but atleast show some compassion  & treat us at par. All of us are not chores( as u call in delhi) All of us don’t slit throats of foreigners / or take them to some shady hotel in delhi & chop them…All of us are not,like that

I read somewhere – Be kind to others, as everybody is fighting a secret battle

Manners Oh Manners

Manners Oh Manners !!!!! Where have you Disappeared these days, Just Vanished in Thin air is it ?? There was a time when all Emphasis was on how to Manage you & how you could be called Educated but not civilised if one didnt know how to manage you --- Having you was the thing - its benefits would be realsied over a period of time  --- It all looks a story of the Past, it seems - The Sudden Demise of Manners - Yes, I know you will vehemently disagree with me, but just observe around & you will agree

• Rampant Cases of Road Rages - where seemingly Educated People, atleast they all could speak English, i came to know through reports- get down to brawls, verbal spats, one upmanship ,such an ugly & ostentatious display of power, the hunger to display that power, at times ending Peoples lives - & by the way all this happens majorly in the Big Cities - Delhi  - the mecca of Urbanisation, Progress, English Speaking & Educated People

• Parking Brawls - Again Owners of Houses in Posh Residential areas find it fit to settle Parking issues by a Fit for Deafening series of Verbal assuages, UnParlimentary Language, showing little respect for women & even elders. All this by Highly Educated & Rich, may be the Elite Class of People - again in the Bigger Cities of this country
• People Conveniently Blocking Key traffic areas ,at times even blocking Lanes by Parking their Cars, without any concern, as to how any body else would take their Cars out, in times of Emergency -
• Simple Ettiquettes Like leaving seats for Elderly or Women, in Buses, at Waiting areas in Hospitals, Clinics looks like stuff from Fairy Tales
• "ts all about the Look Busy Syndrome" - Thats Right - You have arrived in Life, if you are busy - Jetsetting, always on the Move, always rearing to go, on  the Move, On the Rush, is your stamp of having arrived - In this horde of things, you dont have any place - Dear Manners - I need to be the first one to reach, I need be the 1st one to screachingly drive away from the Red Light, I should be the 1st One to park my Car (That Old neighour of Mine, well he can have all the Manners)
• Causing Incovenience to Others at the Cost of ensuring Ones Convenience is becoming as acceptable as Corruption within Political Circles - yes thats a Given, it is only the Quantum which varies. I mean, Its so common to see People park their Cars in the middle of the road & conveniently Chat, even when there is a horde of cars behind them to finish their Conversation - if it ends in 10 secs its ok & acceptable

I am sure there are many examples one can relate from Daily life to clearly see, that Manners are quickly disappearing from Our Interaction Cycle- whether it is with Our maids, Colleagues, Our Road Rage Inflicted Roadies, Relations, Friends - Others Incovenience at your Luxury is a simple & soon to be accepted fact - Manners may intervene in only deciding the Quantum of Inconvenience



 

Fathers Day ---- To all the Dads

Fathers Day


Yet another Day to Celebrate a treasured relation in your life… Different people have different take on the concept of picking 1 day for Celebrating the most treasured relationships in ones life – Mothers day, Fathers Day, Friendship Day, Valentines Day …..While some may feel that an entire lifetime of thanksgiving may not be enough to truly cherish & the Importance which these relationships hold in your life, on the other hand, given todays lifestyles, where even recreation, enjoyment is time bound and to be completed within a time frame, it makes some sense to atleast have 1 day earmarked which is really dedicate to celebrating and honoring that Special person & relationship in your life

Many would agree that the Structure which todays families are build around is one where the Kid comes up growing closest to the Mother, as she is the One who spends the maximum time with the Kid . A Father on the Other hand, is the Bread earner for the family, who has to spend maximum time away from home, at work, and away from the kid . There exists a Very Delicate & subtle balance of relationships in this Triangle of the Father,Mother & the Kid ..Most fathers, knowingly or unknowingly assume more of a Support System role , than a Primary role … While the Male Ego may still make a Father think of his role as a Key Support Role, being bread earner role, But deep down, all Fathers know, that in the Initial 4-5 years of a Kid being Born, between the 2, a Kid would need the Mother the most in terms of their overall grooming, nurturing, emotional, mental & spiritual growth… Even Coming to terms with their Limited Capability as Compared to their better half, in terms of building shaping up the kid, especially in the initial years of the kid, which many would agree, are the most crucial in setting up the kid for the Life ahead …This is where Fathers relegate themselves to the background….It is this balance of Relationships, which the Father needs to gracefully handle, at the cost of not looking unconcerned, at the same time not exposing his own vulnerability to the situation of his infants exciting journey



I feel, that it is this balance of the sensitivity of relations & emotions, that lends a subtle complexity to a Father-Kid relationship. Somewhere a Complex of knowing fully well, about his limited capabilities of handling a Kids most Important needs at that time – Lets face it, what would be the Important needs for kids from 1yearto 5 year – Its not going to be Mobile Phone Bills, Ist not pocket money, its not girlfriend, its not College admissions, its definitely not school fees(from the kids perspective) – It’s the things like Changing his nappies, knowing their feed time, knowing how to put them to sleep, knowing how to converse with them in their most uncanny language, its knowing what toy to buy them, what clothes to make them wear as per their moods …..



So I think this little minute Complex , along with the Knowledge of their Support role in the family, adds that subtle complex to the relationship…Plus add to it the Limited time that Fathers generally get to spend with kids compared to Mothers …Then Mothers Generally holding kids to ransom, with a possible threat of a scold from Dad, or using Dads name to generally turn them off for some expensive Purchase, all of this lends quite a complexity to this highly sensitive Father-Kid relationship… Which I feel eventually grows on to mature to a Different kind of bonding to probably a realization that we might realize today on this Day

So to all Fathers, who have been the Strongest Support System, and who happily sacrificed their Role of Importance in the Upbringing of the kids, by their able better halves ….Its not easy to give your best to the relationship, knowing fully well that, in this tripartie relationship, The Other 2 need each other more than anybody in the Initial years ..For Being so Selfless and yet ever ready to oblige the Kids – Heres to all the Dads- Happy Fathers Day.